Monday, June 11, 2012
This Morning 6/12/12 Fasting
I will be unable to write for about 6 days. I am going North to fast. There will be plenty to write when I return, but for now, I must focus on preparations. I'll miss this daily writing exercise.
This Morning 6/11/12 Related by Biology
My nephew graduated from a special needs college-level program and some members of my "first family" gathered to celebrate him. He is autistic to the degree that he cannot communicate via words, except monosyllabic sounds that indicate yes or no. He can fix computers and change headlights on cars and pretty much take apart anything and put it back together correctly. He has that kind of mind, but he can't talk and lacks the desire to communicate much. He is not socially-inept. He sits in a room with people and goes from one cluster group to another drinking a soda, or eating a plate of food like everyone. However, his is a simpler world. He listens and willingly responds when help is needed. It's quite Buddha-like.
I have to experience my first family in doses. An all-day affair like this is difficult for me. I get very lost in the lack of authentic contact. I pick up an instrument because this is the way for me to center myself and also find connection. It is the only doorway of acceptance or even, understanding, of who I am in relation to this family. Although history draws us parallels of relationship, I cannot imagine I would choose to know 90% of them otherwise.
Perhaps this is my loss. Perhaps it is just truth. But there is a sense of sadness when a gathering of people related by history and biology have no real affection for one another, and barely a sincere curiosity.
At least my nephew, who lives in an internally silent world, has been spared. His inability to speak gives him his own room to observe from, much like my music.
I have to experience my first family in doses. An all-day affair like this is difficult for me. I get very lost in the lack of authentic contact. I pick up an instrument because this is the way for me to center myself and also find connection. It is the only doorway of acceptance or even, understanding, of who I am in relation to this family. Although history draws us parallels of relationship, I cannot imagine I would choose to know 90% of them otherwise.
Perhaps this is my loss. Perhaps it is just truth. But there is a sense of sadness when a gathering of people related by history and biology have no real affection for one another, and barely a sincere curiosity.
At least my nephew, who lives in an internally silent world, has been spared. His inability to speak gives him his own room to observe from, much like my music.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
This Morning 6/10/12 Rudeness vs. Manners
Some people have no manners. But this is different than being rude.
Manners are culturally-assigned standards created to secure functional and appropriate social interactions. Manners are taught by families, by societies, by religions, and by traditions. They vary according to cultural affiliation and often are considered in direct contrast to other culture's manners. For example, it is considered good manners to bow as a greeting in Japan whereas in the United States, it is considered a gesture of servitude. As well, in the Middle East, a thumbs-up sign is considered an insult, but in the U.S. it is a sign of approval. These are issues of manners; etiquette if you will.
Rudeness has a different face and is not at all related to manners, unless, of course, you judge different manners as rude. To be rude is to intentionally dishonor, demean, debase or belittle another for the purpose of causing distress. Rudeness is rampant in the media via TV talk shows, gossip shows like TMZ, sitcoms like The Simpsons, and radio programming like Howard Stern's. In some ways, the Culture of Rudeness is a valuable revenue source for the media conglomerates.
People buy rudeness. But why?
To mock another is to devalue their humanity; their right to be different than you. It can make you feel better psychologically to consider yourself superior to another, or more exactly, to make another appear inferior. People rarely consider the results of their actions if the payoff for this is not promptly experienced, however, the ramifications of this type of behavior have horrific and damaging outcomes.
The outcome reflective on the rude person is that they risk being ridiculed for their lack of manners because, let's face it, it is bad manners to mock another person. This outcome would exist in a world where manners are valued. The outcome reflective on the person being demeaned is victimization, which causes others to feel compassion. Again, this exists in a compassionate world.
In this light, then, rudeness ultimately hurts the one who is being rude, whereas the "victim" of rudeness is loved.
Can the awareness and practice of manners eliminate the Culture of Rudeness? This possibility could be entertained if rudeness were devalued. But we have a culture where people value rudeness (aka cleverness, quick-wittedness, sarcasm) and until the economic playing field is leveled and cultural divides bridged, I doubt rudeness will go out of fashion.
Manners are culturally-assigned standards created to secure functional and appropriate social interactions. Manners are taught by families, by societies, by religions, and by traditions. They vary according to cultural affiliation and often are considered in direct contrast to other culture's manners. For example, it is considered good manners to bow as a greeting in Japan whereas in the United States, it is considered a gesture of servitude. As well, in the Middle East, a thumbs-up sign is considered an insult, but in the U.S. it is a sign of approval. These are issues of manners; etiquette if you will.
Rudeness has a different face and is not at all related to manners, unless, of course, you judge different manners as rude. To be rude is to intentionally dishonor, demean, debase or belittle another for the purpose of causing distress. Rudeness is rampant in the media via TV talk shows, gossip shows like TMZ, sitcoms like The Simpsons, and radio programming like Howard Stern's. In some ways, the Culture of Rudeness is a valuable revenue source for the media conglomerates.
People buy rudeness. But why?
To mock another is to devalue their humanity; their right to be different than you. It can make you feel better psychologically to consider yourself superior to another, or more exactly, to make another appear inferior. People rarely consider the results of their actions if the payoff for this is not promptly experienced, however, the ramifications of this type of behavior have horrific and damaging outcomes.
The outcome reflective on the rude person is that they risk being ridiculed for their lack of manners because, let's face it, it is bad manners to mock another person. This outcome would exist in a world where manners are valued. The outcome reflective on the person being demeaned is victimization, which causes others to feel compassion. Again, this exists in a compassionate world.
In this light, then, rudeness ultimately hurts the one who is being rude, whereas the "victim" of rudeness is loved.
Can the awareness and practice of manners eliminate the Culture of Rudeness? This possibility could be entertained if rudeness were devalued. But we have a culture where people value rudeness (aka cleverness, quick-wittedness, sarcasm) and until the economic playing field is leveled and cultural divides bridged, I doubt rudeness will go out of fashion.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)