A. A.
I have some experience with A. A. Not as a "member" or official "friend of Bill's," but because some of the closest people in my life are associated with Alcoholics Anonymous. Of course, anonymity is a closely held tenet of the organization, so I could never divulge names out of respect.
Although I haven't drank alcohol in over 25 years, and understand the difficulties socially and personally of restraining from it, my own choice of sobriety comes from an identification with spiritual clarity rather than a communal dogmatic construct. I have sat through some meetings, even attending one or two a year to support my loved ones, and I generally agree with everything the program is espousing. But, there is a big "but."
The organization in and of itself is rather cultish. There is never an "out." If you don't "keep coming back," you are still considered to be sick. One can never, so to speak, graduate from being part of A.A. It is a lifelong enlistment. According to all the meetings I've ever been to and all the members I've ever known, the bottom line is if you are an alcoholic and want to stay sober, coming to A.A. will keep you so.
There is no delineation between those who drank in various quantities with various DOC (drug/drink of choice); if you are there, you need to be there. Woah!
I guess hearing all the war stories ad infinitum, with every other word beginning with either an F or a S, while in the next breath they talk about staying positive, seems a bit like double speak to me. To stay positive, isn't the best thing to talk and think positively!
Alcoholism is a destructive, insidious, and pervasive condition under which to live. I grew up in a house where it was present and unchecked, and caused harm beyond imagine. I never begrudge the healing process to anyone, but if you are going to heal, continuing to identify yourself as one who is an "alcoholic" while not being alcoholic, is, again, double-speak.
It makes me wonder if A.A. doesn't keep people "sick" in order to exist.
My lifelong friend and mentor, Joy, a therapist for nearly 40 years, identifies most addiction issues as maturity issues. I suppose she could be right and it makes sense to me that if we focus on getting our "hit" of A.A. in order to not drink, we are just transferring a pattern of addictive behavior onto the group. Growing up and taking responsibility to not drink; making the commitment to be positive, and doing the inner spiritual and emotional work to deal with painful memories has worked well for me.
To be fair, there are positive aspects to A.A. The sense of camaraderie and support, no required dues, free place to come and complain about your life, books and literature to guide your sobriety, and a worldwide network are just a few.
If I sound a bit sardonic at times about A.A., I suppose I am. If I were to weigh the good and bad aspects, I would say, overall, it is a good thing. But I also say that overall, it's a bad thing because it keeps people stuck in a place where they continually are reminded of who they used to be. Staying around that kind of memory and energy does not push one's vision forward as much as it creates fear and loathing of the past. There is an intrinsic self-hate in that and THAT is why I am not part of A.A.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
This Morning 4/20/12 - Alexanders Bridge
Alexander's Bridge
Finishing Willa Cather's Alexander's Bridge brings a sense of tragic trajectory. This first novel of Cather's written when she was almost forty years old has evidence of the deft storytelling Cather is noted for, but also a type of over-writing given to subjects too big for the author.
In this short novel, Barkley Alexander is a designer of bridges - in fact, the first expansion bridges in North America. His popularity gives him lifestyle security which feeds his sense of professional purpose, and a wife who feeds his personal idea of who he should be. However, something is missing in him. The protagonist's trajectory is forshadowed by the early introduction of his mentor, Wilson, who sees through Alexander's outer presentation and predicts the eventual literal and figurative crash which ultimately becomes Alexander's fate. The Epilogue ties up the package neatly vis a vis the mentor.
Cather's handling of Alexander's early life, the flashbacks and tension-building between characters and within Alexander himself, is superbly executed. It contains early signs of the brilliance we later see in novels like Song of the Lark and One of Ours, Cather's Pulitzer-winning novel of 1923. However, Alexander's Bridge, published in 1913, is sometimes overly verbose, lacking restraint by injecting the author's voice too loudly.
Having read a few of Cather's later novels, her ability to transport the reader into active observer within the story leaves one saturated as if the reader is essential to the storyline itself. This early novel of Cather's lacks that robustness. To be fair, it is her first novel and a short one.
Despite the lackluster comparison to Cather's later work, Alexander's Bridge is a novel I would recommend to those who want a piece of the Cather pie, but not two or three.
Finishing Willa Cather's Alexander's Bridge brings a sense of tragic trajectory. This first novel of Cather's written when she was almost forty years old has evidence of the deft storytelling Cather is noted for, but also a type of over-writing given to subjects too big for the author.
In this short novel, Barkley Alexander is a designer of bridges - in fact, the first expansion bridges in North America. His popularity gives him lifestyle security which feeds his sense of professional purpose, and a wife who feeds his personal idea of who he should be. However, something is missing in him. The protagonist's trajectory is forshadowed by the early introduction of his mentor, Wilson, who sees through Alexander's outer presentation and predicts the eventual literal and figurative crash which ultimately becomes Alexander's fate. The Epilogue ties up the package neatly vis a vis the mentor.
Cather's handling of Alexander's early life, the flashbacks and tension-building between characters and within Alexander himself, is superbly executed. It contains early signs of the brilliance we later see in novels like Song of the Lark and One of Ours, Cather's Pulitzer-winning novel of 1923. However, Alexander's Bridge, published in 1913, is sometimes overly verbose, lacking restraint by injecting the author's voice too loudly.
Having read a few of Cather's later novels, her ability to transport the reader into active observer within the story leaves one saturated as if the reader is essential to the storyline itself. This early novel of Cather's lacks that robustness. To be fair, it is her first novel and a short one.
Despite the lackluster comparison to Cather's later work, Alexander's Bridge is a novel I would recommend to those who want a piece of the Cather pie, but not two or three.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
This Morning 4/19/12 - Beacon Acceptance
Willa and Beacon
I got news that my 5000-word paper, "Willa Cather: Forsaken Love for Art's Sake," has been chosen to be presented at the 20th Annual Beacon Conference for student scholars at two-year colleges. I wrote this paper initially as an autobiographical feminist criticism of Cather. My professor, J. Myskowski, decided I should expand, develop and submit the paper to Beacon for consideration. Fortunately, it was chosen from over 160 submissions to be included in the conference. I will present the paper and support my thesis within a 20-minute presentation on June 1. This is very exciting!
First, I am very honored and happy to be selected. I worked so very hard on that paper. Second, it gives me a sense of accomplishment in my ability to write, which is one of the reasons I wanted to return to college - to improve my writing.
I feel as if all things are going very well. Good news is coming and coming. And for that, I give great thanks.
"Do what makes you happy and be loving." These were my instructions last year when I fasted. It's really nice that such a simple directive can return such amazing blessings.
Aho!
I got news that my 5000-word paper, "Willa Cather: Forsaken Love for Art's Sake," has been chosen to be presented at the 20th Annual Beacon Conference for student scholars at two-year colleges. I wrote this paper initially as an autobiographical feminist criticism of Cather. My professor, J. Myskowski, decided I should expand, develop and submit the paper to Beacon for consideration. Fortunately, it was chosen from over 160 submissions to be included in the conference. I will present the paper and support my thesis within a 20-minute presentation on June 1. This is very exciting!
First, I am very honored and happy to be selected. I worked so very hard on that paper. Second, it gives me a sense of accomplishment in my ability to write, which is one of the reasons I wanted to return to college - to improve my writing.
I feel as if all things are going very well. Good news is coming and coming. And for that, I give great thanks.
"Do what makes you happy and be loving." These were my instructions last year when I fasted. It's really nice that such a simple directive can return such amazing blessings.
Aho!
This Morning 4/18/12 - 17 Million Birthdays Today
Acknowledgment
One doesn't necessarily have any idea the effect and breadth of one's reach until, well, you either die or receive some sort of commemorative award not of your own initiation. We do have birthday celebrations to acknowledge the specialness of each individual; the unique contribution one brings to the table of life.
Everyone has a birthday. Worldwide, over 17 million people share mine. A world population of 7 billion divided by 365 days in a year gives me that statistic. If we celebrated everyone on their birthday, there would be a whole lot of happiness going around! Most likely, there wouldn't be time for many other things!
If everyone felt acknowledged and appreciated for who they are, I wonder if there would be need to start wars, have conflicts, be greedy or create drama in one's life.
This may be the most influential overall, albeit simplistic, issue humankind faces personally which translates globally.
What if the way to stop wars and create global cooperation is simply for everyone everywhere to be acknowledged, appreciated, celebrated and loved for who they are?
What if it really is that simple?
One doesn't necessarily have any idea the effect and breadth of one's reach until, well, you either die or receive some sort of commemorative award not of your own initiation. We do have birthday celebrations to acknowledge the specialness of each individual; the unique contribution one brings to the table of life.
Everyone has a birthday. Worldwide, over 17 million people share mine. A world population of 7 billion divided by 365 days in a year gives me that statistic. If we celebrated everyone on their birthday, there would be a whole lot of happiness going around! Most likely, there wouldn't be time for many other things!
If everyone felt acknowledged and appreciated for who they are, I wonder if there would be need to start wars, have conflicts, be greedy or create drama in one's life.
This may be the most influential overall, albeit simplistic, issue humankind faces personally which translates globally.
What if the way to stop wars and create global cooperation is simply for everyone everywhere to be acknowledged, appreciated, celebrated and loved for who they are?
What if it really is that simple?
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
This Morning 4/17/12 - Birthday Poem
Today is my 51st birthday
Fifty-one is a good number.
Better than fifty.
Whereas fifty sits on a line,
Balancing, teetering between two worlds;
Fifty-one stands defined.
It is over the hump.
I smile.
Looking back, down the other side,
Barely visible itself, since
Humps block the view to the eye.
I remember it then.
That back when
I was not fifty-something.
The solitary race to become
Respectable and unique in everything.
Now, though, as the hill opens in front,
There is no more struggling
To get exactly what I want.
Just joy in knowing
What is here is enough.
Fifty-one is a good number.
Better than fifty.
Whereas fifty sits on a line,
Balancing, teetering between two worlds;
Fifty-one stands defined.
It is over the hump.
I smile.
Looking back, down the other side,
Barely visible itself, since
Humps block the view to the eye.
I remember it then.
That back when
I was not fifty-something.
The solitary race to become
Respectable and unique in everything.
Now, though, as the hill opens in front,
There is no more struggling
To get exactly what I want.
Just joy in knowing
What is here is enough.
Monday, April 16, 2012
This Morning 4/16/12 - Rwanda
Rwanda - 18 years
Yesterday was the New York City annual commemoration of the 18th anniversary of the Rwandan Genocide, in which over one million Tutsi's were murdered only because of their ethnicity. This horrifying 90 days of slaughter across Rwanda was instigated by a government and consortium of primarily Hutu ethnic men who believed Tutsi's needed to be annihilated. This systematically-planned genocide was coordinated by military, business and government sectors, including China and Belgium, who supplied machetes used by Hutu's and militias to carry out this atrocity.
This is a story of the deaths of families of people I know personally. These ones have survived somehow - by the grace of God - and are committed to tell their story.
It deserves more print than I can devote at this time.
I love Jacqueline Murekatete, my dear friend, who has opened my eyes to these horrors by reliving hers around the world.
Yesterday was the New York City annual commemoration of the 18th anniversary of the Rwandan Genocide, in which over one million Tutsi's were murdered only because of their ethnicity. This horrifying 90 days of slaughter across Rwanda was instigated by a government and consortium of primarily Hutu ethnic men who believed Tutsi's needed to be annihilated. This systematically-planned genocide was coordinated by military, business and government sectors, including China and Belgium, who supplied machetes used by Hutu's and militias to carry out this atrocity.
This is a story of the deaths of families of people I know personally. These ones have survived somehow - by the grace of God - and are committed to tell their story.
It deserves more print than I can devote at this time.
I love Jacqueline Murekatete, my dear friend, who has opened my eyes to these horrors by reliving hers around the world.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
This Morning 4/15/12 - Friday
Kahlo
I finally watched the movie, Frida, about the life of Mexican artist and revolutionary, Frida Kahlo. Selma Hayek is convincing and emotionally riveting as Kahlo and Alfred Molina, as her husband, codependent, and artistic comrade, Diego Rivera, meets Hayek's performance barely, but meets it. The pair onstage has sensitive chemistry and enough machismo to fuel the entire film, but the addition of explicit sexuality onscreen takes esta pelicula magnifica to another level of real.
Julie Taymor, who directed the Lion King on Broadway brings a theatrical sensibility to the made-for-movie life of Kahlo whose entire story was tragic, mysterious, political, traditional and vividly painted with a palette of colors authentic and unique. Taymor's use of believable sets, strong camera angles and deft lighting is evidence of her ability to enhance the experience of the storyline for the viewer. As well, the trolley accident scene is particularly well-told visually, as well as several other "special effects" segments, which cram important events into their own setting, at once emphasizing their significance and exaggerating their effect through theatrics.
Kahlo's art speaks for itself and is plentifully displayed throughout the film. In relationship to Rivera's, she is the better artist, although his fame was more prominent.
The message of the film:
Great art suffers great artists.
I finally watched the movie, Frida, about the life of Mexican artist and revolutionary, Frida Kahlo. Selma Hayek is convincing and emotionally riveting as Kahlo and Alfred Molina, as her husband, codependent, and artistic comrade, Diego Rivera, meets Hayek's performance barely, but meets it. The pair onstage has sensitive chemistry and enough machismo to fuel the entire film, but the addition of explicit sexuality onscreen takes esta pelicula magnifica to another level of real.
Julie Taymor, who directed the Lion King on Broadway brings a theatrical sensibility to the made-for-movie life of Kahlo whose entire story was tragic, mysterious, political, traditional and vividly painted with a palette of colors authentic and unique. Taymor's use of believable sets, strong camera angles and deft lighting is evidence of her ability to enhance the experience of the storyline for the viewer. As well, the trolley accident scene is particularly well-told visually, as well as several other "special effects" segments, which cram important events into their own setting, at once emphasizing their significance and exaggerating their effect through theatrics.
Kahlo's art speaks for itself and is plentifully displayed throughout the film. In relationship to Rivera's, she is the better artist, although his fame was more prominent.
The message of the film:
Great art suffers great artists.
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