It was a normal day in courtroom 3-C. The two distinct groups were present - the suits and the indebted. The suits, of course, were the lawyers who sure up clientele with roadside billboards and radio ads saying something like this: "Can't pay your bills? Bankruptcy may be your way out. Call 222-2222 to determine your eligibility."
The indebted are a harder bunch to pigeonhole. There are the used-to-be middle class couple with a trailer for their vacation home in the Poconos, the relatively young urban couple who were trying to appear wealthier than they are and took a mortgage which swallowed them, the unemployed former union electrician who is obviously lying about something but still has too much debt to manage, the woman on SSI who filed 30 years ago when she was 30 years old, and the underemployed divorced woman who couldn't support her kids and bills simultaneously.
The routine is simple. The judge is a lawyer who sits at a table with an assistant who makes sure all information is communicated clearly. The indebted and their lawyer come to the table when their name is called, and a few questions are asked. The judge has a screen in front of him with the case information and proceeds to ask specific questions, if necessary. It is quite innocuous, however, the lawyers actually appear more nervous than their clients. They are the ones who have to fill out the appropriate paperwork. If something is missed or doesn't satisfy the judge, the lawyer takes the heat. The judge knows most of these guys (all guys in this case) are sharks.
After a few minutes, when all the answers have been made, and communication about any additional paperwork to be filed is complete, the judge says, "This meeting is concluded." This is code for, "I approve of your bankruptcy."
There is no gavel, no cake, no tears, and no gifts except the knowledge that what you haven't been able to do is now not expected of you. One signature. Done.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
This Morning 5/8/12 You Know This Way
"You know this way...why don't you come back?"
When this kind of question is asked, there are only two possible answers. Yes or no.
There is no possible way to put into words the meaning of that question. It can't be intellectualized in the context in which it was asked. So I will let the creative process alight:
Rattle spirit
Light in darkness
Treasure beyond
Perceived nothingness
In fear and wonder
With eyes wide
Heart pounding
Bargaining measured mind
To rationalize
To understand
To control
What is not controlled
Let go to the unknown trust
Let go to the unknown trust
Trust the unknown
Let go
In gratitude
I sing
Coveted touch brings
Healing
"You know this way...
Why don't you come back."
It was not a question.
copyright 2012SajaMaka Publishing
When this kind of question is asked, there are only two possible answers. Yes or no.
There is no possible way to put into words the meaning of that question. It can't be intellectualized in the context in which it was asked. So I will let the creative process alight:
Rattle spirit
Light in darkness
Treasure beyond
Perceived nothingness
In fear and wonder
With eyes wide
Heart pounding
Bargaining measured mind
To rationalize
To understand
To control
What is not controlled
Let go to the unknown trust
Let go to the unknown trust
Trust the unknown
Let go
In gratitude
I sing
Coveted touch brings
Healing
"You know this way...
Why don't you come back."
It was not a question.
copyright 2012SajaMaka Publishing
Thursday, June 7, 2012
This Morning 6/7/12 Drums
Some things are necessary in life. Music is one. If we think of the ways in which ceremony is carried, it is on the back of songs. Whether through singing, drumming, playing flute, organ or guitar, our spirits are "lifted" with music. This has been understood by people for as long as there have been people.
The animal people have their songs as well. The songs of the whale, the coyotes, the birds, and crickets. When we listen, we feel inspired and our minds fill with a sense of something beyond ourselves.
In this way, I am taking drums to a ceremony. My sundance leader is here in the east and I am so overjoyed I can help this way.
The animal people have their songs as well. The songs of the whale, the coyotes, the birds, and crickets. When we listen, we feel inspired and our minds fill with a sense of something beyond ourselves.
In this way, I am taking drums to a ceremony. My sundance leader is here in the east and I am so overjoyed I can help this way.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
This Morning 6/6/12 Medicine Dream
Dreamed of a White Bear a few nights ago. Bear carries medicine and heals in our way. Bear also represents courage and the looks within direction of the west. White represents the south - love, trust, humility, compassion.
In light of recent events regarding family members, I believe the best course is to understand these things through the eyes of compassion and humility. Also, to use the medicine of these three - love, compassion and humility - to heal.
It is what I did already and that is being shown. Also, it is what I must continue to do.
In light of recent events regarding family members, I believe the best course is to understand these things through the eyes of compassion and humility. Also, to use the medicine of these three - love, compassion and humility - to heal.
It is what I did already and that is being shown. Also, it is what I must continue to do.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
This Morning 6/5/12 That Subject
The excuse for me not talking to my adult child about sex is "you're my kid and that's a subject for you and your friends." It's a bad excuse, but one I use. I mean, I can talk about some things but certainly not about those other things! For example, endowment is not a subject I want to discuss with my daughter except in the context of the arts! Gawd! I thought the difficulty was in keeping them off the streets, and I was good at that, but deciphering relationships is something I cannot do for a 20-something - especially nowadays.
I do not get the "dating" thing, when the modern meaning for "dating" is something completely different from the 1970's. Truly, it seems to have removed the sense of fascination that builds from getting to know someone slowly. It's all texting and facebooking, a little Starbucks, and then...blam! It's also completely fine to just "hang out" (another code word for something else) even though you've already established you're not interested in a serious relationship together.
She asked me, "Don't you remember being my age?" I had to admit, after a few minutes of recalling that rushing adrenaline fueled by raging hormones, and the memory of my Grand Canyon adventure at age 19, that I still did remember being "like that!" But, it's just that. It's a memory.
My own sense of intimacy is cradled in making a life together. That means spiritually, emotionally, socially, physically and creatively. I don't understand even pursuing someone to "hang out" with or "date" in the context used in today's vernacular. I don't want to get engage mine or someone else's emotions if I see clearly that it is just a passing thing.
I have a male friend, my age, who shows up with a different girlfriend (he is monogamous at least) every couple of months. The women always seem to be "down and out" in some way - not completely in charge of their lives. Certainly intact, but not in charge. These women are not long term relationship material, and he knows this. He operates in the 20-something paradigm of relationships although he is in his 50's.
Nothing spells drama like relationships and sex. For my adult kids, it's a journey they have to take to find the "one" which might actually evolve into a life-long commitment. As for that subject, yes, I have given advice and offered guidelines for healthy intimacy, but I just don't want the details, darlin'!
I do not get the "dating" thing, when the modern meaning for "dating" is something completely different from the 1970's. Truly, it seems to have removed the sense of fascination that builds from getting to know someone slowly. It's all texting and facebooking, a little Starbucks, and then...blam! It's also completely fine to just "hang out" (another code word for something else) even though you've already established you're not interested in a serious relationship together.
She asked me, "Don't you remember being my age?" I had to admit, after a few minutes of recalling that rushing adrenaline fueled by raging hormones, and the memory of my Grand Canyon adventure at age 19, that I still did remember being "like that!" But, it's just that. It's a memory.
My own sense of intimacy is cradled in making a life together. That means spiritually, emotionally, socially, physically and creatively. I don't understand even pursuing someone to "hang out" with or "date" in the context used in today's vernacular. I don't want to get engage mine or someone else's emotions if I see clearly that it is just a passing thing.
I have a male friend, my age, who shows up with a different girlfriend (he is monogamous at least) every couple of months. The women always seem to be "down and out" in some way - not completely in charge of their lives. Certainly intact, but not in charge. These women are not long term relationship material, and he knows this. He operates in the 20-something paradigm of relationships although he is in his 50's.
Nothing spells drama like relationships and sex. For my adult kids, it's a journey they have to take to find the "one" which might actually evolve into a life-long commitment. As for that subject, yes, I have given advice and offered guidelines for healthy intimacy, but I just don't want the details, darlin'!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
This Morning 6/4/12 - Who You Know
It's not a surprise at this point in my life that people are complex, deeply fallible, and capable of grievous actions which can cause great harm. I just don't expect it in my own life.
I have two stories. One I react to with emotion and one with intellect. The nature of these personal relationships determines my response.
First - emotion.
I thought I knew someone so well that it's pretty clear we would always be in each other's life. This determination is made because we've spent time together, lived through births and deaths, tears and pain, great joy and laughter, and over two decades of birthday celebrations. Then one day, a monster emerges from inside this lifelong friend; something I had never seen. In the crucial moments, I fought through the arrogance, meanness, mockery and emotional bloodletting being thrust at me. I used logic and clarity and language which mirrored and inquired why this monster was sitting here in front of me where my friend was. The monster tried to force me to leave through insults. The monster went against everything my friend professes to be true and right in relationships. I would not go. I was not going to let this monster win. Later when my friend came back to a place of balance, several apologies were made to me, along with an explanation that they are under stress and sometimes the closest ones take the brunt of their loved one's internal strife. It just means it's as if I'm family. "STOP THERE!!," I scream within.
Something does not make sense. I get to be emotionally trashed BECAUSE I'm considered part of the family. If I wasn't that close to you, I don't get that "privilege." This is where my emotion rolls in. I can't take this kind of logic. It's pathological. I feel great love for this friend, but this is not a healthy relationship guideline, nor is it safe. Safety in relationships, for me,is primary.
Second - intellect.
Getting to know someone new is like peeling back the layers of skin on an onion. With each meeting, something transparent is revealed and as it is, the eyes sting a little. It's unfamiliar and unglamorous, tedious and sometimes, shocking to hear the "war stories" attached to another's life. When a new friend, who is otherwise a terrific human being, tells me of past gang associations and drug running for which prison time was served, I'm again left assessing how I can actually know this person enough to really understand the true nature that drives someone to these kinds of dangerous liaisons. As well, I am questioning immediately my level of safety. Can someone really change? How far do you have to cut inside the onion to stop the tears? Can someone who has been on the run for their entire adult life ever really stop running?
Who do you know that you really know?
I have two stories. One I react to with emotion and one with intellect. The nature of these personal relationships determines my response.
First - emotion.
I thought I knew someone so well that it's pretty clear we would always be in each other's life. This determination is made because we've spent time together, lived through births and deaths, tears and pain, great joy and laughter, and over two decades of birthday celebrations. Then one day, a monster emerges from inside this lifelong friend; something I had never seen. In the crucial moments, I fought through the arrogance, meanness, mockery and emotional bloodletting being thrust at me. I used logic and clarity and language which mirrored and inquired why this monster was sitting here in front of me where my friend was. The monster tried to force me to leave through insults. The monster went against everything my friend professes to be true and right in relationships. I would not go. I was not going to let this monster win. Later when my friend came back to a place of balance, several apologies were made to me, along with an explanation that they are under stress and sometimes the closest ones take the brunt of their loved one's internal strife. It just means it's as if I'm family. "STOP THERE!!," I scream within.
Something does not make sense. I get to be emotionally trashed BECAUSE I'm considered part of the family. If I wasn't that close to you, I don't get that "privilege." This is where my emotion rolls in. I can't take this kind of logic. It's pathological. I feel great love for this friend, but this is not a healthy relationship guideline, nor is it safe. Safety in relationships, for me,is primary.
Second - intellect.
Getting to know someone new is like peeling back the layers of skin on an onion. With each meeting, something transparent is revealed and as it is, the eyes sting a little. It's unfamiliar and unglamorous, tedious and sometimes, shocking to hear the "war stories" attached to another's life. When a new friend, who is otherwise a terrific human being, tells me of past gang associations and drug running for which prison time was served, I'm again left assessing how I can actually know this person enough to really understand the true nature that drives someone to these kinds of dangerous liaisons. As well, I am questioning immediately my level of safety. Can someone really change? How far do you have to cut inside the onion to stop the tears? Can someone who has been on the run for their entire adult life ever really stop running?
Who do you know that you really know?
This Morning 5/3/12 - Cost Analysis
Cost Analysis
We run our experiences through balance mechanisms and rating scales designed to determine whether our sense of fairness is satisfied or our benefit is equal to or greater than our cost. It's something we learn early in life: don't give more than you can get. In some instances, it has merit. In others, it is a completely inappropriate measuring tool.
The Beacon conference is an experience to run through the cost analysis meter. The mental/emotional and physical costs were far greater than the benefit of being at the conference. I had to travel over 100 miles, deal with traffic and mentally, was washed out before I even made it to the conference campus. The experience of sitting through a panel, then presenting my own paper not once, but twice, due to the judge being late, was completely overwhelming on the stress scale. To top it off, the humiliation of losing the presenter's award to a high-school style presentation containing vocabulary for shock value, poorly written Britannica-style sentences with a made-for-prime-time-TV-style power point put me over the edge. What a complete waste of time. The political nature of choosing most "winners" had something to do with who their mentor was. I'm not sure merit of the actual presentations was considered. I was also personally on complete overload people-wise. I'm just not used to being around that many people for so long.
The true reward was the writing and editing process spent preparing the presentation, which was priceless. I suppose I would not have edited as I had if not for the conference, but again, it was the preparation which gave the reward, not the ultimate presentation.
When it comes to relationships, the cost analysis application has little use. People can't be measured. Sure, we can judge them if we want, but that in itself is unfair. Sure, we can expect them to fulfill certain needs, but when they don't or can't, do we just find a replacement? Giving within a relationship is a bit like buying a used car. It's an investment. It takes an investment to realize a reward. It is also a risk. We never know how long it will run, but if we do the daily maintenance and repair what gets broke, chances are we can have it for a long time.
When it's ready to die though and you have already enjoyed it for a number of years, and done your best to keep it going, maybe it is time to do the next best thing and invest in one that can make it to where you need to go without constantly stalling.
We run our experiences through balance mechanisms and rating scales designed to determine whether our sense of fairness is satisfied or our benefit is equal to or greater than our cost. It's something we learn early in life: don't give more than you can get. In some instances, it has merit. In others, it is a completely inappropriate measuring tool.
The Beacon conference is an experience to run through the cost analysis meter. The mental/emotional and physical costs were far greater than the benefit of being at the conference. I had to travel over 100 miles, deal with traffic and mentally, was washed out before I even made it to the conference campus. The experience of sitting through a panel, then presenting my own paper not once, but twice, due to the judge being late, was completely overwhelming on the stress scale. To top it off, the humiliation of losing the presenter's award to a high-school style presentation containing vocabulary for shock value, poorly written Britannica-style sentences with a made-for-prime-time-TV-style power point put me over the edge. What a complete waste of time. The political nature of choosing most "winners" had something to do with who their mentor was. I'm not sure merit of the actual presentations was considered. I was also personally on complete overload people-wise. I'm just not used to being around that many people for so long.
The true reward was the writing and editing process spent preparing the presentation, which was priceless. I suppose I would not have edited as I had if not for the conference, but again, it was the preparation which gave the reward, not the ultimate presentation.
When it comes to relationships, the cost analysis application has little use. People can't be measured. Sure, we can judge them if we want, but that in itself is unfair. Sure, we can expect them to fulfill certain needs, but when they don't or can't, do we just find a replacement? Giving within a relationship is a bit like buying a used car. It's an investment. It takes an investment to realize a reward. It is also a risk. We never know how long it will run, but if we do the daily maintenance and repair what gets broke, chances are we can have it for a long time.
When it's ready to die though and you have already enjoyed it for a number of years, and done your best to keep it going, maybe it is time to do the next best thing and invest in one that can make it to where you need to go without constantly stalling.
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