The excuse for me not talking to my adult child about sex is "you're my kid and that's a subject for you and your friends." It's a bad excuse, but one I use. I mean, I can talk about some things but certainly not about those other things! For example, endowment is not a subject I want to discuss with my daughter except in the context of the arts! Gawd! I thought the difficulty was in keeping them off the streets, and I was good at that, but deciphering relationships is something I cannot do for a 20-something - especially nowadays.
I do not get the "dating" thing, when the modern meaning for "dating" is something completely different from the 1970's. Truly, it seems to have removed the sense of fascination that builds from getting to know someone slowly. It's all texting and facebooking, a little Starbucks, and then...blam! It's also completely fine to just "hang out" (another code word for something else) even though you've already established you're not interested in a serious relationship together.
She asked me, "Don't you remember being my age?" I had to admit, after a few minutes of recalling that rushing adrenaline fueled by raging hormones, and the memory of my Grand Canyon adventure at age 19, that I still did remember being "like that!" But, it's just that. It's a memory.
My own sense of intimacy is cradled in making a life together. That means spiritually, emotionally, socially, physically and creatively. I don't understand even pursuing someone to "hang out" with or "date" in the context used in today's vernacular. I don't want to get engage mine or someone else's emotions if I see clearly that it is just a passing thing.
I have a male friend, my age, who shows up with a different girlfriend (he is monogamous at least) every couple of months. The women always seem to be "down and out" in some way - not completely in charge of their lives. Certainly intact, but not in charge. These women are not long term relationship material, and he knows this. He operates in the 20-something paradigm of relationships although he is in his 50's.
Nothing spells drama like relationships and sex. For my adult kids, it's a journey they have to take to find the "one" which might actually evolve into a life-long commitment. As for that subject, yes, I have given advice and offered guidelines for healthy intimacy, but I just don't want the details, darlin'!
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