A very full day has caused me to write this much later in the day than "this morning."
I visited the horses - Tokala, Waziya and Hawk - this morning. They are so distinct in their personalities and their sense of who they are. Even more prominent is their sense of relationship to each other and to individuals. I felt they remembered me because they were so very easy to be with; and that is a two-way street. They felt that I, also, was easy to be with and they stayed close to me. Hawk was the most distant. He is 30 years old now and his eyesight is failing, although he looks generally well. Jan is taking such beautiful care of them.
Two short observations regarding my day spent with some people who came together to help a mutual friend:
First, I do not socialize very much in groups. I was very comfortable today in this grouping. Most of the people felt very authentic, which surprised me, because these are not the type of people I would normally choose to socialize with. At least, until this point, I felt this way. So it was a good experience and left me feeling healthy and wholesome.
Second, there was dishonesty present because I have knowledge of an impropriety among two of these people. I don't think I'm the only one with the knowledge and it felt uncomfortable at times, but on some level, even though the impropriety was present, none of this outweighed the good that was going on. There's something odd about this to me. However, it is refreshingly odd. It is as if the "judging" of the impropriety is much less important than the true value of the relationship.
I don't understand how or why healing is trumping morality, but it is. Moral integrity has always been of the highest order to me and true healing could not occur if it was absent integrity. I have held T____ to this standard and been tremendously disappointed with the choices made because there is a lack of a moral compass. But what has happened tonight seems to have turned this on its head and shown me some way where it is okay. It is possible I witnessed the sickness (and yes, there is a sickness) being manifest, and the solution to the sickness being simultaneously explored. The question begs, "Is it okay to do something considered wrong for the sake of healing?"
I just had this feeling there was some unspoken agreement going on that it was okay. It was a liberating feeling. And authentically loving.
