Bad Guys (part II)
When addressing the question of what happens when the bad guy is removed from the picture, or rehabilitated, and the victim is left without their symbiotic-relationship partner, there are two scenarios which can develop. One is to "make someone else the bad guy" and the other is to "become the bad guy."
Making another the bad guy because of our own need to stay "safe" within the context of a bad guy/victim relationship is one of the most convoluted results of the victimization role. We recreate and relate to others as if they are going to somehow be a bad guy to us, even though there may be no reason for that assumption. We can even seek out other obvious bad guys in order to keep alive that unfulfilled pathos. This is a typical response to unresolved emotional battering, or in some cases, to our "apparently" resolved emotional battering. Scars are scars and can occasionally open up without warning if we scrape up against them unconsciously.
Making others the bad guy also manifests when we blame others and find fault for seemingly benign reasons. This behavior starts to lean into the "becoming a bad guy" syndrome, but it isn't quite there. Making another person wrong contains a hint of victimhood and a hint of bad guy. Safety is the issue. Being defensive and always right keeps us protected in our shell of pre-constructed reality. Studies in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) repeatedly show suspicion and distrust as major symptoms. When we are in relationships where blame is thrown back and forth, either in our minds or outwardly, we can be certain there is at play some sort of bad guy/victim pathology.
Becoming the bad guy indicates that the original victim has adopted the behavior from which its fears have been created. This is a behavioral syndrome seen in abusive parents who were abused as children by their parents. There can be levels of manifesting this bad guy stature, and it is often milder victimization than was perpetrated onto this bad guy, but there is no doubt it is a horrifying cycle.
Whether manifested psychologically, emotionally, spiritually or physically, living with a bad guy in our lives wrecks havoc with our sense of connection and our sense of belonging.
So, when do we decide, after we become aware of the bad guy in our lives, that it is time to let him go?
(to be continued...)
No comments:
Post a Comment