This Morning 5/15/12 - Bad Guys (part 3)

Bad Guys (part III)

Healing from and removing ourselves from a cycle of bad guy/victim behavior takes courage and trust.   Once we become aware that we have been imprinting and exposing others to our inner conflict based on historical survival behaviors, the only right thing to do is to end the cycle.   Changing our response to a stimulus behavior is one part of the equation, but the other part is how the other responds to our response.  We have no control and no safety net to gauge this.

If our goal is to keep the relationship in tact, but change our own behavior, we may be in for a bumpy ride.  It is possible, but not probable, that a natural evolution can take place and transformation occurs between both parties.  But without a conscious dialogue to make each aware and responsible for the behaviors which have fed the negative cycle, it may be unrealistic to expect change.  Therefore a dialogue could be helpful, but only if the other can acknowledge their part in the cycle.

If there is no room for dialogue, the answer is simply to end the relationship as it is.  Sometimes that means walking away with complete disconnect and sometimes, as is often the case with families, it means limiting contact to very social, public gatherings.  Feigning joy in the face of painful emotional separation is difficult.  We are expected in social conditions to be gregarious.  This is a necessary component of the healing process.  Sometimes we fake it until we make it.

There is no easy way to discover or admit and address the leftover spillage "when the bad guy leaves the room."  However, it is possible to stop the cycle of control the bad guy has infringed upon our lives, from the outside and the inside, and from this place, we can permanently kick him out of our lives!